[THE HEAD of Scotland Yard has reacted with…]

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THE HEAD of Scotland Yard has reacted with fury and amazement to the news that an ASLEF member was found in the Queen's bedIOom discussing flexible rostering.

Parliament was suspended for a special emergency debate on this latest example of the unions' aggression.

• The Prime Minister, in a special message to the House of Commons, said she had been left with no alternative but to proscribe ASLEF. Ray Buckton is to appear at Marylebone magistrates' court later today, accused of belonging to an illegal organisation.

The Queen acted with enormous courage, according to informed sources at the palace. She woke up m her bedroom at 3am to find the ASLEI: driver standing in the room. He sat on her bed for three hours trying 10 explain British Rail's propos als for flexible rostering, while the Queen pretended to take an interest.

He asked for i copy of the railway timetable 10 and reverse switching. Her Majesty - who always sleeps with a timetable under her pillow cleverly pretended she did not have a copy in her bedroom. She "popped out' to get one from the corridor, but in fact called the detachment of machine-gunners who always sleep outside her room. The driver was arrested and taken to the Tower.

Later he managed to smuggle out a message saying that he had been unable to sleep because he should have been driving the night express to Glasgow.

"It's bloody murder when you wake up in the middle of the night knowing you have eight hours to kill" he wrote. Conservative MPs lafer tabled a motion demanding tighter measures to ensure that the monarch does not come into contact with members of the working class - unless they have been suitably programmed with a special course in nationalism.

The motion went on to

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By Patrick expend reverse sue doin-